Hit me harder, please

Randomly listening to: Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson


It is a known fact that love is a battlefield. Pat Benatar was very right, as is the saying of all is fair in love and war. And I know I've lost this fight, I know I don't even stand a chance. She's left me K.O. But for some reason I still have the energy to stand up and keep going. I'm not in it for the same reason anymore, I just want to defend what is mine, which is, after all, an animal instinct. I want to go in the ring and may the best girl win. I don't want to go down without a fight. I think I deserve as much. Even if it is a lost cause, I think I deserve to go down with dignity. But you won't let me. You won't let me fight back. You won't let me defend myself. And I hate it. I don't want to listen to you. It is not fair. But I know that if I ignore you...I might lose you. So I hope that, while I'm taking the blows without even looking up, you are at least thankful, because my pride deserves at least that.

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

I am lost

Listening to: I don't love you by My Chemical Romance


And so the week about treasuring life is over, and I'm back to my constant sadness. Don't get me wrong, I am still fighting to find happiness, but I'm still crying over you.


Because you said that maybe you don't want to be that close to me anymore. And how am I supposed to take that? How in the world am I supposed to be okay with that? 


Stupid me for believing you when you said that it was you and me against the world, because now...Now it's you and the world against me.


And...I don't even have words anymore, and I thought I wouldn't have tears anymore either because, honestly, I've cried my fucking eyes out. But I still cry just thinking about it, and right now my keyboard is wet with teardrops and God, I just want everything to end already. I can't take this anymore. 


I thought our friendship was the only thing I could count on in this world and now I don't even have that.

And I don't even know what to say or how to act around you or what I am supposed to do with all this sadness...

I believe that I will be happy again, but I can't wait any longer.

When you go would you even turn to say "I don't love you like I did yesterday"?

Live Love

Randomly listening to: Is this love by Bob Marley

Hold hands every chance you can

Be the best you can be

Marry your best friend

Listen

Hug often

Care more, love deeply, treasure always

Be the first to say I'm sorry

Kiss goof morning, kiss & make-up, kiss just because, kiss goodnight

Always be willing to compromise

Respect one another

Be a team player

Remember why you fell in love

Make a promise to each other to find time to be alone together

Don't forget to laugh

Love each other

I wanna love you everyday and every night.

Marilyn knew what she was talking about

Randomly listening to: Anything but ordinary by Avril Lavigne


This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well they come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them, actually pretty much all of them, are going to break your heart. But you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soulmate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always always always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.

Come on now give it to me, anything to make me feel alive

More Living

Listening to: What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong


Eat the damn chocolate cake, get your hair wet, love someone, dance in those muddy puddles, tell someone off, draw a picture with crayons like you're still 6 years old and then give it to someone who s very important to you. Take a nap, go on vacation, do a cartwheel, make your own recipe, dance like no one sees you, paint each nail a different colour, take a bubble bath, laugh at a corny joke. Get on that table and dance, pick strawberries, take a jog, plant a garden, make an ugly shirt and wear it all day, learn a new language, write a song, date someone you wouldn't usually go for, make a scrap book, go on a picnic, relac in the sun, make your own home video, kiss the un-kissed, hug the un-hugged, love the unloved, and live your life to the fullest. So at the end of the day, you'll have no regrets, no sorrows, no disappointments,

and I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

About life and living it

Randomly listening to: Keep on singing my song by Christina Aguilera


My first year of university is about to end and, looking back, I think it has probably been as a whole the best year of my life. I've learnt so much, but what I am most thankful for is that I think I've learnt to live life at its fullest so much more.

This year, I've done things I thought I would never dare to do. I've acted crazy, talked crazy, but have been completely real. I've failed, but I know that I tried with all my heart and gave everything of me, everything I had. I've enjoyed every. damn. minute of the journey.

And looking at the people I've left behind, I realize that many of them haven't been as lucky as me. I feel like they are not living, but merely existing. And that makes me sad. Life is short, but they think its long. We should cherish every minute of every hour of every day.

So this week, my blog will be about life. About life and actually living it.



Go now, and live.

Experience. Dream. Risk. Close your eyes and jump. Enjoy the freefall. Choose exhilaration over comfort. Choose magic over predictability. Choose potential over safety. Wake up to the magic of everyday life. Make friends with your intuition. Trust your gut. Discover the beauty of uncertainty. Know yourself fully before you make promises to another. Make millions of mistakes so that you will know how to choose what you really need. Know when to hold on and when to let go. Love hard and often and without reservation. Seek knowledge. Open yourself to possibility. Keep your heart open, your head high and your spirit free. Embrace the darkness along with your light. Be wrong every once in a while, and don't be afraid to admit it. Awaken to the brilliance in ordinary moments. Tell the truth about yourself no matter what the cost. Own your reality without apology. See goodness in the world. Be bold. Be fierce. Be grateful. Be wild, crazy and gloriously free. Be you.

Go now, and live.

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face and nobody's gonna bring me down  today.

Stupid movies giving us high expectations

Randomly listening to: I will always love you by Whitney Houston


You know in romantic movies, specially in romantic comedies, there is always a pattern:


Girl meets boy.
Girl falls for boy.
Problems arise.
One of the two have a grand gesture.
Happy ending.

We've all grown up watching, and wishing that someday we would have something similar, our own movie love story. I grew up loving those grand gestures, believing that whatever you do in love, you can always save it if you try really hard, if you show the other person how much you love them. I've always been a sucker for romance, and believe in it above all else.

So it is disappointing to realize that there is a different kind of story, one that is rarely shown in romantic comedies, one that we really don't want to believe is true.

It's the story of the underdog.
The story of the girl who doesn't get the guy.
The story of the girl who tries her hardest and it still isn't enough.
The story of the girl who doesn't get a happy ending.

and I will always love you

It's not anger anymore, just sadness

Randomly listening to: The Winner Takes It All by Abba


Thoughts run through my head so quickly I don't even have time to grasp them to fully understand them and be able to put them into words, but they still leave a feeling, an aching inside, which you don't understand I can't explain.

I am a talker. I need to chew on words, several times if possible, to be able to digest them. 45 minutes is not enough time to make it all okay. It is a start, but we still have a long way to go.

I know you are tired of me caring so much, and I am tired too.

So I won't get mad when you leave.

I won't get mad when you don't appreciate my sweet words.

I won't get mad when you forbid me to do what I want.

I won't get mad when you forget about me.

I won't get mad when you take me for granted.

I won't get mad when you treat me like dirt.

But please, forgive me. Forgive me for I can't stop this tear running down my face.

I apologize if it makes you feel bad seeing me so tense, no self confidence