In the search for something better.

Randomly listening to: Only the good die young by Billy Joel

Maybe there is beauty in not knowing,

in the uncertainty.

Maybe there is beauty in being lost,

in the waiting.

Maybe there is beauty in the fear,

that you will never find me.

I believe in you. I believe in the idea of you. In the possibility of you. I believe that in spite of everything that has happened to me. I might not have found you yet, I might have thought you were someone else and got myself hurt in the process, but I'm not going to give up because of that.

 Even if they have made it hard for me to believe recently, deep down I know I deserve something better,  and I am going to find it. I am going to find you. Yes. I. Am.

The stained-glass curtain you're hiding behind never lets in the sun.

quotes about us...about you...and me.

Randomly listening to: The Mixed Tape by Jack's Mannequin


It took me forever, but I finally realized, you've changed. We've changed. Everything has changed. I'm not comfortable around you like I was. We're back to making small talk because we have nothing else to talk about, because we've drifted so far apart that we forgot everything we've been through It's like we're strangers.

Go ahead, move on, forget all of our memories, forget I even exist. But when you realize you made a huge mistake by letting me go, don't try and come back to me. I won't be waiting for you.

Where are you now?

Wanting to.

Randomly listening to: Boys Don't Cry by The Cure


I don't need to know every detail about you. I don't need to know who your first kiss was or where you got that scar on your knee from. I don't need to know what your favorite food is or how you sleep at night. I don't need to know about the things you dream of. I don't need to know what every look you give means. I don't need to know what you do when you're nervous or sad. I don't need to know if you think about me or not.

But I want to.

I would tell you that  I love you if I thought that you would stay.

I wish I had the courage to say hello

Randomly listening to: Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now by The Smiths


Sometimes I wish I could be braver. You know, take more chances. Sometimes I wish I could just get rid of this shyness that has always followed me. Even though that same shyness is part of the reason why I like him.
So who is he?
I don't know yet, and probably after last night I will never know.
I spotted him in the crowd, the same way I had a month ago, and I couldn't help but think this was some kind of weird sign, the universe giving me a second chance somehow. 
Again there were looks, and this time even his friend seemed obvious about it. And still I couldn't say a word. 
But how do you say anything to someone who reminds you so much of that boy who broke your heart? And is it maybe a little bit crazy, a little bit masochist of me to want someone who looks so much like that guy I can't forgive? That guy I still miss?
And what is the point anyways? I don't want a one night fling but I can't have much more. I'm going back to England in two weeks! And thinking about it, I really don't mind that much about me leaving when meeting someone. But most people mind.
And there I was again over thinking the situation instead of just going for it.
So now I'll be waiting probably for nothing for that third chance, hoping that this time, I get the courage necessary to at least say hi.

Two lovers entwined pass me by and heaven knows I'm miserable now.