Love Sarah Kay (and Phil Kaye)

‎"Still now, I send letters into space hoping that some mailman somewhere will track you down and recognize you from the description in my poems, that he will place the stack of them in your hands and tell you 'There is a girl who still writes you...she doesn't know how not to.'" Sarah Kay

Thank you (hot) stranger for your therapeutic smile.

Listening to: Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls


Speed walking through St Pancras station, ready to say goodbye to one of my best friends after a wonderful and therapeutic day in the big city, about to head back to little Canterbury (that is if I don't lose the train), listening to her talk about her flatmates and really wishing I could stay longer. Wishing I could stay forever.
And then I catch your eye. 
You don't look away. 
And there is this sudden connection between us. I can feel it and I'm sure you feel it too because you smile at me(I'm pretty sure it's not just a kind smile) and I, in a rare moment of lucidness, smile back. And it doesn't really matter that I don't know you, and you don't know me. And it doesn't really matter that we probably will never see each other again(even though I really wish we would, because you are very cute). For a second there, we shared a moment and you probably don't even remember it anymore, but ( it might sound silly), that single moment has given me hope.


So thank you, whoever you are.

because...

And I'd give up forever to touch you, cause I know that you feel me somehow... and all I can taste is this moment.

Getting over or simply getting used to.

Randomly listening to: Learnt my lesson well by Kaiser Chiefs

I try and believe that everything will be okay, someday. And most times, I do believe that I will be happy.

But other days I wonder how I can ever get over this. I feel like I'm trying to just have happy thoughts in my head but I am not strong enough to keep the bad ones out. How can you get over so much pain? Because it has been months and I still feel like it's eating me alive and I still think about it everyday. And I've tried to stop myself, I've tried to stop the tears from falling, but I can't. I don't feel like I'm getting any better, I just feel like I'm getting used to it, and maybe that is all I will ever manage to do. Maybe getting used to it is as good as it gets. 

I just don't like the changes.

I want someone to fight for me.

Randomly listening to: Wicked Game by Chris Isaak (Giant Drag's version)


Just once. I want someone to be afraid of losing me. Not just say that they don't want to lose me. I want them to mean it. I want them to genuinely be afraid of losing me. You have those people, that just say that they never want to lose you. But then one day, they just decide to leave. I want someone to fight for me. When I'm about to leave, to pull me back. Tell me what they love about me. Tell me how much they love me. Tell me what I mean to them.
No. Screw that. I don't want words. Words mean nothing. I want them to show me how much they don't want to lose me. I want them to prove to me, everything that they'll ever say to me. You say you love me, well show me that you do. You say you care about me, prove it. You say you don't want to lose me, well, show me.
One day, I hope someone will fight for me.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.