lunes, 28 de marzo de 2011


Listening to: the tick tock of my clock

I know I am getting repetitive with this whole talking about you business, but I write about what I think and (sadly) lately, I only think of you.

But today I've realized something new:

You don't want to be with me. You genuinely don't want to be with me. You are with her because you want to be with her more than with anyone else, and by that I include myself.


I know this might seem too obvious from other perspectives, but I actually believed your excuses.But today you gave yourself away by saying that we talk at the time. I don't think we do you see. 

And I remembered when the roles were reversed. We were exact opposites.

And I got it.


I really didn't want to be with you then.

You really don't want to be with me now.

I'm sorry. I really had no idea that this hurt this badly back then.

I know now. I know too well now.

domingo, 27 de marzo de 2011

I am done with the sadness

Randomly listening to: Wonderful World by James Morrison

I woke up with a thought in my head which just had to be written down:

You wanted me. You wanted me for nearly a year. And now, that I want you back, that you can have me, you let go of me?


To prove what exactly? 

You say you don't want to spend your life chasing after me and waiting for me, but you don't have to now.  I'm pathetically offering myself to you. And still you choose her. And don't say you haven't chosen her over me, because you choose to be with her every day instead of being with me.

So maybe you don't love me as much as we both thought you did. Just a thought.

So today, I am stronger.

I won't cry for you anymore, I refuse.

Because you were right; you are so not worth it.


Standing outside there just too happy to care, tonight I wanna be like them 

sábado, 26 de marzo de 2011

I hate this

Randomly listening to: Be Be Your Love by Rachel Yamagata

I've never done this. I've never been this useless, this pathetic. 

But now...

 I cry myself to sleep every. damn. night. because of you.

I can't do this anymore. I don't know what to do anymore.

Come back to me. What do I have to do to make you come back to me?

I'm sorry, I just can't sit down and wait patiently for my life to go by.

(Don't you know? You are my life)

Oh how I try to be just okay  but all I ever wanted  was a little piece of you

viernes, 25 de marzo de 2011

In a better mood

Listening to: Dog Days Are Over by Florence and the Machine

This blog is to thank you, my friends.

For making my day a little brighter. For making my day a little better.

For just being there.

I love you, and you are awesome.

And because today I just feel like it, and really there's nothing more to say, I'm going to bombard you all with (incredibly random, but not sad) images.


And I never wanted anything from you except  everything you had and what was left after that too.

miércoles, 23 de marzo de 2011

Today, Tonight

Listening to: Losing my religion by REM

Today I finally woke up with a smile on my face. Today, the world made sense again. Today I promised myself that I wasn't going to cry anymore. Today I actually believed myself. Today I was okay with you not talking to me. Today I thought I was getting better at this. Today I managed to think about you much less. Today you promised me tonight, and I was okay with just that.

But tonight never came. 

Today you were too busy. Today you had class. Today you spent time with your friends. Today you saw her. Today you did nothing. Today you worked a bit. Today...

Today you were too tired for tonight.

And so tonight the pain is back in my chest. Tonight I don't feel brave anymore. Tonight I'll cry myself to sleep again. Tonight only you will be in my mind. Tonight I'll feel the world crumbling down once more.

And so tonight I will hate you.

 I will hate you even though it's not fair. I will hate you even though it's my fault. I will hate you even though I love you with every cell in my body. I will hate you for not giving me more. I will hate you for not helping me. I will hate you for choosing her over me. I will hate you for having time for everyone else except for the person who needs you the most.

So yes, right now, I hate you, and it might not be fair, but I feel that the only thing I have left with you are my feelings.

So please let me hate you.

Because loving you just hurts too fucking much.

Trying to keep an eye on you like a  hurt , lost and blinded fool

lunes, 21 de marzo de 2011

About changes

Randomly listening to: Use Somebody by Kings of Leon

Sometimes, you feel like you need a change in your life. It might not seem like a huge one from outside, but changes are always hard, so it seems huge to you.

Like cutting your hair.

Many people cut their hair radically after a bad breakup for example. It just feels relieving, like literally taking weight off of your shoulders. And at the same time, you feel like with that change, you've become this whole new person which, even though it's probably not true, makes you feel great.

So to everyone who is not going through the best of times, this is my very deep advice:

Cut you hair!

Believe me, it feels awesome.

I hope it's gonna make you notice...

domingo, 20 de marzo de 2011

can love really conquer the world?

Randomly listening to: Enchanted by Taylor Swift

There is something I think I will never understand:

When two people love each other, what exactly stops them from being together? 

I always thought that that kind of thing only occurred in television shows because keeping the couples together forever would seem very boring.

But maybe in real life that is also true? Maybe we get bored, maybe we don't value what we have enough, maybe we think that we should try something different, maybe we take what we have for granted.

And somehow, you end up realizing that you are getting further and further away from the only one you've ever loved and you wonder how you could ever let it happen.

Please don't be in love with someone else

viernes, 11 de marzo de 2011

To the girl who is replacing me...

Randomly listening to: Need you now by Lady Antebellum

These words are not mine, but they are what best describe what I'm feeling now...

To the girl who will replace me ...
There are just a couple of things that I thought I should tell you. I learned these while I was the object of your guy's affection. First of all, don't be frightened if he smothers much more love on you than you had expected. Don't be surprised if he treats you much better than any other guy you have ever met. And let it not scare you that he will actually listen carefully to every word you say, even when you're just speaking quietly. Also, you should know that he remembers everything you will say. He's hurt easily, especially by the painful words a careless girl will say. If you do hurt him, then you'll have to pay the price of seeing the broken look in his passionate and deep brown eyes, and watch the light in them fade. But if this happens, all is not lost- a kiss and an "I love you" can heal anything. And please, don’t say I love you to him, unless you really mean it, nothing hurts him more then someone who really doesn’t care. Sometimes, he won't tell you what he is feeling, but... just know that he is protecting you and if you ever feel that something isn't right, just look into his beautiful brown eyes and you will be able to see into him. You can see everything he is feeling, everything he is thinking, everything that isn't right with him... He won't ever try to hurt you, because he just isn't that way, so please don't hurt him because if you do, I don't think I could ever forgive you. I don't think there could ever be a worse feeling in the world than knowing that you have the boy that I love and knowing that you hurt him. You should know that if you two ever get into a fight, just make sure you pick only the ones worth fighting for... He will always keep his temper and will never curse at you or call you names, despite the anger he may be feeling. Though he may act mature, most of the time, once he's given you his heart, he will begin to open up to you and his silliness will make your heart smile, in a way that words can not explain. Don't hold a tight grip on him, let him go and be part of the world and experience new things. You will find that he is a busy guy and that he is so very independent. Sometimes, he will need his space, but don't worry... He'll always make time for you and even when you're not around, you'll be in his thoughts. You will find that he isn't like any other guy that you have met, so please don't take him for granite. When it comes to his money, don't take advantage of that, He will be so unselfish with it, because that is the way he is. Remember, He likes blue better than green, blonds better than brunettes, Republicans better than Democrats, Soft pretzels win over Steak, Kacki over denim, Leather over cloth, and even though he won't admit it, he really does like to be surprised. He is less tough than he may appear, you just have to take the time and let him bring down his guard... He is so sweet and so amazing and know that if you ever leave him, you will break his heart apart, the same way that my heart breaks apart, as I sit here writing this to you. Don't ever try to pull him away from his dreams. He is going to be an extremely successful attorney and won't ever let you give up on your dreams, either. He will encourage you to become everything you can be and will never, ever let you down. He likes it when you kiss his ear and nothing is better than hugging each other. Just watch how your hand will fit perfectly into his and when it does, it seems as if nothing in the world could hurt you, because he is there. And when he puts his arms around you and tells you that you are the girl he loves, you will know, there isn't any guy in the world better than him... Don't ever let him go. You will regret doing so, for the rest of time... I promise, you will.

Said I wouldn't call  but I've lost all control  and I need you now...

lunes, 7 de marzo de 2011

Must I always be waiting waiting on you?

Randomly listening to: Sitting, Waiting, Wishing by Jack Johnson

Whatever happened to keeping in contact? Whatever happened to making sure that distance didn't pull us apart? Whatever happened to our friendship being stronger than that? Whatever happened to fighting?

I know, I know, it has always been my role to be the one to reach out, to maintain that. I know, I know, you just expect me to keep doing that.

But I am so fed up.

Fuck. Don't you know that I have a life too?

The only difference between you and me is that I actually try.

And I wouldn't mind trying harder than the rest if I actually saw the rest trying.

 But I don't. I see no effort whatsoever and I just feel like you don't care.

And I just want to turn around and walk and walk till you run behind me and catch up with me.

But I'm so scared of having to walk forever and ending too far away from you.

I can 't  always be waiting waiting on you