jueves, 23 de diciembre de 2010

Its Christmas Time!

Randomly listening to: Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond (Glee version)

This post is pretty simple really. Just wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas. Enjoy the holidays, the family, the friends, the food, the presentsssssss.

And don't forget to be thankful!

Don't let anyone let you think that Christmas isn't great, cause it is.

Here I leave you with a piece of my favourite movie of all time, Love Actually, which is actually a Christmas movie :):

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around. 

Where it began, I can't  begin to know when, but then I know it's growing strong

miércoles, 22 de diciembre de 2010

High Expectations and meeting Them

Randomly listening to: Northern Downpour by Panic! at the Disco

When thinking about my future love life, I sometimes find myself wondering how I'm ever going to find someone who is good enough for me and who, at the same time loves me.

Let me explain: I dated Sir P for two years and then we broke up a few months ago. I was sure of my decision. I was sure it was the right step.

The problem is that Sir P was great. He was my first boyfriend and if I believed in perfection I would say that he was perfect.

That is why my standards are so high. Every guy I meet seems so little in comparison. It doesn't help that most guys I meet run from relationships. People are looking for one night stands...It would be so much easier if that is what I wanted. But it is not.

I can't loose hope though, right? There must be someone out there for me that wants what I want and that learns to love me as much as I love him...

Maybe I'll use some of these...;)

And then she said she can't believe  genius  only comes along  in storms of fabled foreign tongues

sábado, 4 de diciembre de 2010

Just a bit of dreaming (quote)

Listening to: Claire de Lune by Debussy

Do you ever dream so much that you start to scare yourself? I mean, have you ever withdrawn from reality and made yourself a little home in the quarters of your mind? Then you dream up something ideal and all of a sudden you feel little waves of panic wash over you because you've just realized this whole mess you've made in your head. And the scariest thing you realize is that while you've been living above and beyond what you want in your mind, you haven't really been living in reality at all.

Silence is so freaking loud

jueves, 2 de diciembre de 2010

My philosophy

Randomly listening to: Top of the World by The All American Rejects

Last night, Normy, Le Corby and me decided to go to The Venue, our on campus club, because if you said "I've built a snowman today" you only had to pay two pounds.

We danced all night and had a great time, but at some point I started looking around and wondering...

What I saw were girls with the skimpiest dresses and the highest heels they could find. Never mind body shape, constitution, personality...It looked like a robot factory. Yes, sure, robots who had spent a long time getting ready, but robots nonetheless.

Most of them were getting wasted and looking for a boy for the night. To make them feel beautiful, to make them feel wanted, to make them feel loved...

On the other side were the boys getting drunk too, just trying to find some skin to grab.

And it just seemed like the girls were trying too hard to get guys that would've said yes even if you were wearing sweats. Their desperation was clear in their faces.

So everywhere I looked I saw a girls kissing boys, boys kissing girls, girls and boys rubbing against each other, each looking for something different...

And I don't want to sound like I think I'm above all that, but I can't help but wonder if that makes anyone happy, if losing all respect for yourself is the way forward.

I guess at the end of the day, my philosophy is being happy, being fulfilled, and dressing as a slut to hook up with some guy that won't even remember my name the next morning is not my idea of fun.

Is there anybody out there that wakes up with a bitter taste?

martes, 23 de noviembre de 2010

Cute guys and actually talking to them

Listening to: Why Can't I? by Liz Phair

And when you say hello, and I reply almost silently, I wish I had the courage to say more.
And even though I've been here before and I've survived, it seems impossible for me to get any closer.
And your smile makes my day.
And all these thoughts run through my head:
"Could he ever like me?"
"Has he looked at me?"
"Does he even know my name?"
And I wish that I was just like your pretty friends who you talk with.
And I am so jealous of them.
And I just feel like a thirteen year old again.
And my insecurities just get the best of me.
And I don't know how to do this anymore.

Walking down the street and I hardly know you. Its just like we were meant to be.

domingo, 14 de noviembre de 2010

Things I never knew about friends I thought I knew

Randomly listening to: This is the last time by Keane

I just came back this afternoon from my second weekend home. It was great being back home,seeing my friends...Finding out things I never knew...

F2 has found herself a boyfriend. It is not any boyfriend either, it's her first. A big deal, anyone would think. The funny thing is how I found out about this: my mum told me. My mum. I found out that one of my best friends had started dating thanks to my mum. Just take a minute to process this.

So then, of course, after my initial shock, I decided to ask her what the hell my mum was talking about, and she replied with a pretty long message saying sorry and explaining everything. Explaining the whole 2 weeks and a half she had been dating this guy.

Wait? Did you say 2 weeks and a half?


Just fucking great.

So there I am, speachless. Thank God I asked, right?

And I am so scared shitless because I feel like she's so far away and she won't talk to me. And how are you supposed to have a friendship - and not just any friendship, but a special one- with someone who won't bother telling you this stuff.

How are we going to survive?

Are we going to survive?

Oh, please, let us survive.

Say that some things never die. Well I tried and I tried.

martes, 9 de noviembre de 2010

About quotes and feelings

Randomly listening to: Forever Lost by The Magic Numbers

Promise me.
That's all I want. Just promise that you'll never forget me. Tell me I changed you somehow. Let me know that I had an impact on your life. Promise me that you'll always remember me. Losing you was hard enough but I don't want to go on knowing I meant absolutely nothing to you.

Darling, what'cha gonna do now? Now that you noticed it all went wrong.

martes, 26 de octubre de 2010

My first weekend home

Randomly listening to: Country Mile by Camera Obscura

When I felt the wheels of the plane hit the ground, I looked out the window and saw Madrid's airport. The girl beside me told her dad: "We are in Madrid" and those insignificant four words took me to the verge of tears. I said to myself, repeating the girl's words: "I'm in Madrid. I'm home."

It's remarkable how, after one entire month, when I stepped into my house, I felt as if I had never left. I settled between my parents on the sofa and watched TV with them as if I had been with them every day and there was nothing extraordinary about that day.

My first trip back home and I'm glad to see that, even though life goes on without me, when I get back, I can still catch up with it.

I wish you could be here with me. I would show you off like a trophy.

P.S. I've decided  from now on to use quotes from the songs I'm listening to at that moment which reflect best my feelings. How does that sound? 

lunes, 18 de octubre de 2010

Humble Intelligence Please

Randomly listening to: Dream on by Aerosmith

This Saturday I made a trip to London to see F2 and I met her very intelligent, very intellectual neighbour.

He is a complete asshole.

He was the typical person who thinks he is above everyone else in every way possible. The world revolves around him and he is always right.

His arrogance nauseated me.

All those big words, all those complicated concepts, all that confidence... But even I could find holes in his supposedly perfect ideas.

I, of course, didn't tell him any of this. I would say it is because I didn't want to make my friend uncomfortable, but really it's because I am a bit of a coward. If I was able though, I would tell him that you stop being better than the rest when you stop being humble.

PS. I love London :)

We're all broken enough to be humble.

viernes, 15 de octubre de 2010

Late Nights and Late Thoughts

Listening to: The world spins madly on by The Weepies

Oh, how I love this song...

I just came back from The Venue, our own on campus club! It was great fun, though my feet are really sore right now because I'm not that great on heels. It was my first time clubbing with my architecture people and it was definitely worth it. I think I found a good group of people to become friends with.

Before all the fun however, I found out that F1 and F2 aren't planning on going back to Madrid as we'd agreed for F3's birthday. I find that I am quite disappointed, even though I have no real, reasonable reason to be.

I'll explain a bit better: F1, F2, F3 and me where the Fantastic Four at school. We were best friends, we were sisters...We were everything for each other. But F1 is in Bristol now, F2 in London and F3 is still in Madrid...So yes, it is complicated.

I thought we would all try our hardest to make this work. It is, after all, like a long distance relationship: there has to be effort put by everyone. That is why we said we'd go back to Madrid for F3's 18th birthday. It just made sense. We would all be back together in our city for such a special occasion.

But now, they are saying they've spent all their money partying at uni and that really it won't be much time and why don't we just invite F3 to London the next weekend as a birthday present?

And it doesn't sound that unreasonable...Except, somehow, it does.

It would be childish of us to deny that our lives weren't changing. But for this night, none of us were going anywhere. That's the thing about really good friends and a really great Manhattan.

miércoles, 13 de octubre de 2010

About G

Randomly listening to: They might follow you by Tiny Vipers

So, G has a problem. G has a disability. It has something to do with his nervous system making him unable to walk a lot, but he hasn't talked about it since that day in facebook, and that's the only thing he said.

G and I are becoming good friends. He's my neighbour and I spend quite a lot of time with him. We laugh, we talk, we watch Glee... But he still doesn't trust me enough to explain. Maybe it's not that he doesn't trust me though, maybe he's just proud. Or too shy. I don't know...

What I do know is that G is the first disabled friend I have, and I feel awful because many times I don't know how to deal with it. Like today, we went to AZDA ( I just learnt that it's owned by Wal-Mart) and I kind of carried the bags because I didn't know if he could handle it.

I don't want to be the typical person who makes a big deal out of these things and is just annoying. I just want to help him.

But it is very hard to help someone when you don't know if they even want your help.

Show me a girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and I'll show you a girl who can't put her pants on.

martes, 12 de octubre de 2010

New Beginnings and Never Endings

Randomly listening to : I'll be there for you by Bon Jovi

The start of university feels like the start of a new era, the start of a new life even.

 I am living in a room with a bathroom which I'm trying hard to make my own, so I can feel at home, but I can't seem to forget that outside that door my family is not there. It's just a corridor leading to locked doors of people I'm trying to stop thinking of  as strangers, and to a common kitchen. I feel so out of place in here, but I guess you get used to everything. Or so I hope.

I guess the song I'm listening to fits my mood, though I didn't even know it before today. I guess that with all this change I just want things to stay the same. I'm trying to hold tightly to my friends specially. I know I won't loose my family, but friends are another matter. Friends don't actually have to love you. And sometimes its hard to keep up with friends. I guess I just want to know that, whatever happens, they will be there for me...But I feel like they are so far away...

I guess this is my new life, and with it comes a new and very different blog. So lets make a toast for new beginnings and for never endings.

And I can't breathe without you, but I have to...