martes, 27 de diciembre de 2011

The beauty of words.

Randomly listening to: The Cave by Mumford & Sons

Your girlfriend is hot.

My girlfriend is hot? My girlfriend is hot? You have the entire English language, with it's vast spectrum of adjectives to describe my girlfriend, and you settle for "hot"?
You have done her a great disservice.
My girlfriend is far beyond beautiful. My girlfriend is enamoring, enrapturing, captivating, ravishing, lovely, incredible, overwhelming, adorable, alluring, enticing and radiant. She's a stunner-she'll take your breath away before you have a chance to introduce yourself. Her eyes constantly shine with joy, even in the midst of pain or sadness. She's a fireball that I can barely handle but I can tell you wouldn't stand a chance. She has a mind that could tear yours to shreds, considering the one word you chose to describe her with is "hot".
Don't ever degrade my girlfriend like that again.

(Something I read and liked. Something I wish someone would say about me.)

And I'll find strength in pain.

lunes, 26 de diciembre de 2011

People always leave.

Randomly listening to: My Love by Sara Bareilles

I don't need some elaborate apology. I don't need you to play me our song in front of all our friends, or just me. I don't need you to wait outside my class with a dozen roses. I just need you to tell me simply that you are fucking sorry, and that you need me as much as I need you.

Each time someone left,
I cried out,
"Don't leave me here alone.
I don't want to be
left alone
for forever."
But there was no sound.
No words.

Every time I went somewhere or did something, I thought, "you should be here with me." Then I'd think of all the things we had promised to do, all the places we said we would go. Then I'd get angry, and then I'd feel sad, and then I'd forget about it because what else is there to do?

My love is on his way. I'm waiting patiently but if you see me now, my love, please hurry .

viernes, 23 de diciembre de 2011

Not for the cynics of the world.

Randomly listening to: Let it Snow (Glee Cast Version)

Just popping in to wish everyone a merry Christmas. I hope everyone enjoys the rest, the family, the friends or whatever it is you happen to enjoy at this time of year. (You never know.)

Here are some quotes of one of my favorite movies of all time, which just happens to be a Christmas movie :).

But you know, the thing about romance is... people only get together right at the very end. 

"Tell her that you love her."
"No way! Anyway, they fly tonight."
"Even better! Sam, you've got nothin' to lose, and you'll always regret it if you don't! I never told your mom enough. I should have told her everyday because she was perfect everyday. You've seen the films, kiddo. It ain't over 'til its over."

True love lasts a lifetime.

(Ahh, I am such a hopeless romantic...)

(And if anyone still doesn't know what movie it is, I just have to say...Shame on you.)

lunes, 12 de diciembre de 2011

The Archipielago of Kisses

We live in a modern society. Husbands and wives don’t
grow on trees, like in the old days. So where
does one find love? When you’re sixteen it’s easy,
like being unleashed with a credit card
in a department store of kisses. There’s the first kiss.
The sloppy kiss. The peck.
The sympathy kiss. The backseat smooch. The we
shouldn’t be doing this kiss. The but your lips
taste so good kiss. The bury me in an avalanche of tingles kiss.
The I wish you’d quit smoking kiss.
The I accept your apology, but you make me really mad
sometimes kiss. The I know
your tongue like the back of my hand kiss. As you get
older, kisses become scarce. You’ll be driving
home and see a damaged kiss on the side of the road,
with its purple thumb out. If you
were younger, you’d pull over, slide open the mouth’s
red door just to see how it fits. Oh where
does one find love? If you rub two glances, you get a smile.
Rub two smiles, you get a warm feeling.
Rub two warm feelings and presto-you have a kiss.
Now what? Don’t invite the kiss over
and answer the door in your underwear. It’ll get suspicious
and stare at your toes. Don’t water the kiss with whiskey.
It’ll turn bright pink and explode into a thousand luscious splinters,
but in the morning it’ll be ashamed and sneak out of
your body without saying good-bye,
and you’ll remember that kiss forever by all the little cuts it left
on the inside of your mouth. You must
nurture the kiss. Turn out the lights. Notice how it
illuminates the room. Hold it to your chest
and wonder if the sand inside hourglasses comes from a
special beach. Place it on the tongue’s pillow,
then look up the first recorded kiss in an encyclopedia: beneath
a Babylonian olive tree in 1200 B.C.
But one kiss levitates above all the others. The
intersection of function and desire. The I do kiss.
The I’ll love you through a brick wall kiss.
Even when I’m dead, I’ll swim through the Earth,
like a mermaid of the soil, just to be next to your bones.

The Archipielago of Kisses
Jeffrey McDaniel

jueves, 8 de diciembre de 2011

This girl means the world to me.

Randomly listening to: The Scientist by Coldplay

There is a girl who loves me unconditionally. A girl I know I can count on for everything. A girl I know will never leave me.

There is a girl who checks my blog to make sure I'm okay. A girl who gets frustrated when I write that I need someone I can trust, because she thinks I don't know she's there for me. A girl who will listen to my complaints for hours and the only words that will come out of her mouth are kind ones.

There is a girl who has been wronged so many times in the past but still sees the world as a beautiful place. A girl who is treated unkindly for being "too good" (as if that were ever possible). A girl who deserves so much better.

There is a girl who has been by my side for many years now. A girl who I've wronged in the past and has forgiven me but I will never forgive myself for it. A girl who I love with all my heart.

That girl who might be the only one reading this.

Today's post is dedicated to you.

I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart.

jueves, 1 de diciembre de 2011


The sun was finally coming up, and the light started filtering through the mess that had been left behind. It had been the longest night of their lives, but it was finally over. She took it all in and breathed deeply, finally relaxing. 
She felt him behind her and turned around to face him. His expression was serious as his eyes travelled along what they had once called home. She waited for him and soon enough, he looked at her and gave her a crooked smile. She felt slightly reassured but there were still so many questions in her head.
"What do we do now?" She knew she looked vulnerable but had finally accepted to let her guard down in front of him.
"Now we turn around, leave this place behind and start over again." His answer seemed simple enough, but they both knew it was going to take a lot of strength and effort to do that.
He probably sensed that his answer hadn't been enough for her and so he reached for her and pulled her closer.
"We are going to be alright. All of us." He cupped her face, his eyes on hers, wanting to send his message through. "You and I will make sure that the little ones are all okay."
"Together?" She opened her eyes wide, surprised and humiliated by her own question but he just grinned at her, the first real smile she had seen on his face in a long time.

Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

miércoles, 23 de noviembre de 2011

Letter to my past

Randomly listening to: Chasing Pavements by Adele

Dear you,

This is the last time I will write to you. It has taken a while to sink in but I finally have understood that you are not coming back for me, ever. This is not a break. This is not a breather. You didn't stop talking to me to save our relationship. You stopped talking to me because you genuinely don't give a damn anymore. And you will never care again.

I guess there is a part of me that will always wonder what I could have done that was so wrong for you to stop loving me completely, but I've stopped blaming myself. I may have done things I shouldn't have, I'm not perfect, but I stuck around to fix it. Always. The thought of surrendering never even entered my mind. It was never a possibility for me. I would have never given up on you.

You probably think that I'm mad at you and I must confess, I was. I felt betrayed, I felt abandoned. You were my best friend, the person I talked to the most, and losing that...Is not easy. I couldn't understand. I was hurt. 

But I'm not anymore. I've come to terms with it. 

I know that the person who loved me doesn't exist anymore. A new person has replaced him and it's a shame really, because I don't think I would like what you've become. So I guess, all in all it's a good thing that we have nothing to do with each other anymore.

I hope you are happy, though. I really do. I hope your life is everything you hoped for. I hope you get everything you ever wanted. probably don't care, but I'll be okay. I will be more than okay actually. I will find that person who loves me for me and would die if they lost me. I will find someone like the person you used to be.

Goodbye forever.

Always Never yours again,


Should I give up or should I  just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere?

martes, 15 de noviembre de 2011

Just a little daydreaming

Randomly listening to: Orange Sky by Alexi Murdoch

Before you walk into my life...

You need to know something about me. You need to know that I'm a very insecure person, I have a very low self esteem, I'm not perfect, I'm everything but perfect. I find it hard to trust people now. I've made mistakes in the past, and I've learnt to live with them. I've learnt to accept people for who they really are, it's not hard. Sometimes, I can't be bothered anymore. Sometimes I don't even want to be alive, but, the thing is, I have a million reasons to be alive and I just haven't found them yet. I miss the people that I shouldn't even think about anymore. I've liked, I've loved, I've been hurt. I have hurt people. I'm not perfect. But hey, this is me. And before you walk into my life, you need to know these things. Because, if you walk into my life, you can't walk out of my life when things are getting hard. Just like all the other people did.

I want to know how many scars you have
and memorize the shape of your tongue.
I want to climb the curve of your lower back
and count your vertebrae
your ribs
your fingers
your goosebumps.
I want to chart the topography of your anatomy
and be fluent in your body language.
I want you, entire.

In your love, my salvation lies.

For the hopeless romantics

What light is light, if Silvia be not seen?
What joy is joy, if Silvia be not by?
Unless it be to think that she is by
And feed upon the shadow of perfection
Except I be by Silvia in the night,
There is no music in the nightingale;
Unless I look on Silvia in the day,
There is no day for me to look upon;
She is my essence, and I leave to be,
If I be not by her fair influence
Foster'd, illumined, cherish'd, kept alive.

Two Gentlemen in Verona
William Shakespeare

sábado, 12 de noviembre de 2011

When she's gone

And when she's gone, remember you once loved her, you once needed her, you once cared about her more than anything in the world. You can't deny she was ever there, you can't deny what you had, you can't deny it ended over absolutely nothing. You can't deny that, regardless, you still think about it. No other girl could love you the way she did, she does. One day, you'll realize what you've done, you'll come back, and she'll be...gone.

I don't need anybody in my life who doesn't want to be there.

About fairytales

Randonly listening to: Marchin On by One Republic

There are some times when the world gets to me. It's hard to keep believing in fairytales in this chaotic world we live in.
But then, something unexpected happens, and I am reminded that fairytales do exist. That I have a shot at a happy ending. That we all do.
Like the other day at my dad's 50th birthday party.
My parents have been married for 25 years now, and have been together for around 30. Still, that didn't stop them from acting like teenagers. The love they share is still obvious in their faces.
They got it. In a world with more than 6 billion people, they managed to find each other. They are each other's half, as my mum told my dad in front of 80 people.
So I have hope.
And I guess that even if I don't actually get my fairytale, or my happy ever after, it will still make me happy to know that fairytales do exist.

For those days we felt like a mistake, those times when love's what you hate,  somehow we keep marching on.

martes, 1 de noviembre de 2011

Looking back with The Weepies

Listening to: World Spins Madly On by The Weepies

I'm spending my four last minutes of Spotify listening to this song, going back to a time, going back to a place, when things were different, they were better. 
I'm going home tomorrow for my dad's 50th birthday. I haven't been back yet since I repacked for my second year at university and God do I miss it. 
But going through this in my head got me thinking about everything that has changed since I moved here last year. So much has gone terribly wrong. I've lost people I thought I would always have by my side, and, even though I've fought with all my heart, I haven't been able to stop it happening.
Looking back at the person I was a year and a half ago, I wonder if I was just naive to think that I would manage to keep all my friendships through the distance. I knew how easy it is to drift apart from your old friendships when you start university, but I guess I never considered that that would be my case. I thought that my friendships were stronger, that they could handle anything and everything. I thought that my friends cared as much about me as I cared about them. I thought that they would fight just as hard.
It's hard when the people closest to you disappoint you. It's hard when you realize you don't have a place in their life anymore. It's hard, specially if you still love them with all your heart, to let them go.

I'm still trying.
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still.

domingo, 16 de octubre de 2011

Love Sarah Kay (and Phil Kaye)

‎"Still now, I send letters into space hoping that some mailman somewhere will track you down and recognize you from the description in my poems, that he will place the stack of them in your hands and tell you 'There is a girl who still writes you...she doesn't know how not to.'" Sarah Kay

sábado, 15 de octubre de 2011

Thank you (hot) stranger for your therapeutic smile.

Listening to: Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls

Speed walking through St Pancras station, ready to say goodbye to one of my best friends after a wonderful and therapeutic day in the big city, about to head back to little Canterbury (that is if I don't lose the train), listening to her talk about her flatmates and really wishing I could stay longer. Wishing I could stay forever.
And then I catch your eye. 
You don't look away. 
And there is this sudden connection between us. I can feel it and I'm sure you feel it too because you smile at me(I'm pretty sure it's not just a kind smile) and I, in a rare moment of lucidness, smile back. And it doesn't really matter that I don't know you, and you don't know me. And it doesn't really matter that we probably will never see each other again(even though I really wish we would, because you are very cute). For a second there, we shared a moment and you probably don't even remember it anymore, but ( it might sound silly), that single moment has given me hope.

So thank you, whoever you are.


And I'd give up forever to touch you, cause I know that you feel me somehow... and all I can taste is this moment.

miércoles, 5 de octubre de 2011

Getting over or simply getting used to.

Randomly listening to: Learnt my lesson well by Kaiser Chiefs

I try and believe that everything will be okay, someday. And most times, I do believe that I will be happy.

But other days I wonder how I can ever get over this. I feel like I'm trying to just have happy thoughts in my head but I am not strong enough to keep the bad ones out. How can you get over so much pain? Because it has been months and I still feel like it's eating me alive and I still think about it everyday. And I've tried to stop myself, I've tried to stop the tears from falling, but I can't. I don't feel like I'm getting any better, I just feel like I'm getting used to it, and maybe that is all I will ever manage to do. Maybe getting used to it is as good as it gets. 

I just don't like the changes.

domingo, 2 de octubre de 2011

I want someone to fight for me.

Randomly listening to: Wicked Game by Chris Isaak (Giant Drag's version)

Just once. I want someone to be afraid of losing me. Not just say that they don't want to lose me. I want them to mean it. I want them to genuinely be afraid of losing me. You have those people, that just say that they never want to lose you. But then one day, they just decide to leave. I want someone to fight for me. When I'm about to leave, to pull me back. Tell me what they love about me. Tell me how much they love me. Tell me what I mean to them.
No. Screw that. I don't want words. Words mean nothing. I want them to show me how much they don't want to lose me. I want them to prove to me, everything that they'll ever say to me. You say you love me, well show me that you do. You say you care about me, prove it. You say you don't want to lose me, well, show me.
One day, I hope someone will fight for me.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.

sábado, 17 de septiembre de 2011

In the search for something better.

Randomly listening to: Only the good die young by Billy Joel

Maybe there is beauty in not knowing,
in the uncertainty.
Maybe there is beauty in being lost,
in the waiting.
Maybe there is beauty in the fear,
that you will never find me.

I believe in you. I believe in the idea of you. In the possibility of you. I believe that in spite of everything that has happened to me. I might not have found you yet, I might have thought you were someone else and got myself hurt in the process, but I'm not going to give up because of that.

 Even if they have made it hard for me to believe recently, deep down I know I deserve something better,  and I am going to find it. I am going to find you. Yes. I. Am.

The stained-glass curtain you're hiding behind never lets in the sun.

domingo, 11 de septiembre de 2011

quotes about us...about you...and me.

Randomly listening to: The Mixed Tape by Jack's Mannequin

It took me forever, but I finally realized, you've changed. We've changed. Everything has changed. I'm not comfortable around you like I was. We're back to making small talk because we have nothing else to talk about, because we've drifted so far apart that we forgot everything we've been through It's like we're strangers.

Go ahead, move on, forget all of our memories, forget I even exist. But when you realize you made a huge mistake by letting me go, don't try and come back to me. I won't be waiting for you.

Where are you now?

sábado, 10 de septiembre de 2011

Wanting to.

Randomly listening to: Boys Don't Cry by The Cure

I don't need to know every detail about you. I don't need to know who your first kiss was or where you got that scar on your knee from. I don't need to know what your favorite food is or how you sleep at night. I don't need to know about the things you dream of. I don't need to know what every look you give means. I don't need to know what you do when you're nervous or sad. I don't need to know if you think about me or not.

But I want to.

I would tell you that  I love you if I thought that you would stay.

sábado, 3 de septiembre de 2011

I wish I had the courage to say hello

Randomly listening to: Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now by The Smiths

Sometimes I wish I could be braver. You know, take more chances. Sometimes I wish I could just get rid of this shyness that has always followed me. Even though that same shyness is part of the reason why I like him.
So who is he?
I don't know yet, and probably after last night I will never know.
I spotted him in the crowd, the same way I had a month ago, and I couldn't help but think this was some kind of weird sign, the universe giving me a second chance somehow. 
Again there were looks, and this time even his friend seemed obvious about it. And still I couldn't say a word. 
But how do you say anything to someone who reminds you so much of that boy who broke your heart? And is it maybe a little bit crazy, a little bit masochist of me to want someone who looks so much like that guy I can't forgive? That guy I still miss?
And what is the point anyways? I don't want a one night fling but I can't have much more. I'm going back to England in two weeks! And thinking about it, I really don't mind that much about me leaving when meeting someone. But most people mind.
And there I was again over thinking the situation instead of just going for it.
So now I'll be waiting probably for nothing for that third chance, hoping that this time, I get the courage necessary to at least say hi.

Two lovers entwined pass me by and heaven knows I'm miserable now.

miércoles, 3 de agosto de 2011

Something I've realized today

Randomly listening to: Where you lead by Carole King

It's amazing when you realize that people can still surprise you. That disappointment is, luckily, not the only thing in the menu. That that person you hadn't really noticed before is there for you, even when the ones you would have sworn would be, aren't.
So today is for those people. The ones that might be sitting down for the most part but that, when you need them, they immediately step up.
Thank you for making me believe in friendship again.


And I would go to the ends of the earth. Oh, darling, to me that's what you're worth.

viernes, 22 de julio de 2011

The end of my childhood

I've already seen Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 twice, even though it is obviously not as good as I would like it to be, even though there are some parts that are rather lame and some parts which they've invented and some parts which are just missing.
But its Harry Potter.
It's what I've spent my childhood, my teenage years, obsessed with.
It's thanks to Harry Potter that I began reading seriously, all those years ago.

We defended the Stone, we found the Chamber, we freed the Prisoner, we were chosen by the Goblet, we fought alongside the Order, we learnt from the Prince and we mastered the Hallows.

We are the Harry Potter generation.

And now it's ended. That part of my life is gone, it's over.

domingo, 17 de julio de 2011

Why do I still want you?

Randomly listening to: Hope you're happy by Lene Marlin

How can I still want you when I don't even know you? How can I still want you when you regret having kissed me? How can I still want you when I know what you've done? How can I still want you when I can't even understand you?
Does my naivety have a limit? 
And I just want you to talk to me, to explain to me why you are the way you are, why you've hurt me, why you've done what you have. I want an explanation that I will never get.
It sucks.
I guess I can't believe that the boy who asked for a hug in the complete darkness in my bed and then kissed me so gently could have a bad heart. And I guess I can't believe that he didn't feel anything.
I wish I was the kind of person that could let it go. I wish I could not care. 

But most of all, I wish I didn't still want you.

Sorry that I could not be as perfect as you wanted me. Just wondering what's going on in your mind.

viernes, 8 de julio de 2011

It's days like these...

It's days like these when I wish I could call you and you'd pick up. When I wonder what I ever did to push you away. When deep inside I know it's not my fault but I still feel like I must have done something terribly wrong to not deserve your friendship anymore.
It's days like these when I need you the most and you're not there that I wonder if things will ever be the same. When I want to stop believing because it hurts so much when you disappoint me yet again, but I just can't. When I wonder if my naivety has a limit.
It's days like these when I'm lying awake in my bed and I wonder how in the world can it not hurt you in the slightest to walk away. When I wish that you still meant that forever. When I want to go back in time to the point where you decided to let me go and make you change your mind.
It's days like these when I remember our times together and I can't help a tear running down my face, because I've done everything humanly possible, but it hasn't been enough to keep you by my side.

Like any other kind of love, friendship can be lost in our lives due to neglect, anger, or sometimes, simply circumstances. However it is lost, we often lose a part of ourselves that can never quite be recovered.

martes, 14 de junio de 2011

Hit me harder, please

Randomly listening to: Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson

It is a known fact that love is a battlefield. Pat Benatar was very right, as is the saying of all is fair in love and war. And I know I've lost this fight, I know I don't even stand a chance. She's left me K.O. But for some reason I still have the energy to stand up and keep going. I'm not in it for the same reason anymore, I just want to defend what is mine, which is, after all, an animal instinct. I want to go in the ring and may the best girl win. I don't want to go down without a fight. I think I deserve as much. Even if it is a lost cause, I think I deserve to go down with dignity. But you won't let me. You won't let me fight back. You won't let me defend myself. And I hate it. I don't want to listen to you. It is not fair. But I know that if I ignore you...I might lose you. So I hope that, while I'm taking the blows without even looking up, you are at least thankful, because my pride deserves at least that.

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

domingo, 12 de junio de 2011

I am lost

Listening to: I don't love you by My Chemical Romance

And so the week about treasuring life is over, and I'm back to my constant sadness. Don't get me wrong, I am still fighting to find happiness, but I'm still crying over you.

Because you said that maybe you don't want to be that close to me anymore. And how am I supposed to take that? How in the world am I supposed to be okay with that? 

Stupid me for believing you when you said that it was you and me against the world, because now...Now it's you and the world against me.

And...I don't even have words anymore, and I thought I wouldn't have tears anymore either because, honestly, I've cried my fucking eyes out. But I still cry just thinking about it, and right now my keyboard is wet with teardrops and God, I just want everything to end already. I can't take this anymore. 

I thought our friendship was the only thing I could count on in this world and now I don't even have that.

And I don't even know what to say or how to act around you or what I am supposed to do with all this sadness...

I believe that I will be happy again, but I can't wait any longer.

When you go would you even turn to say "I don't love you like I did yesterday"?

jueves, 9 de junio de 2011

Live Love

Randomly listening to: Is this love by Bob Marley

Hold hands every chance you can
Be the best you can be
Marry your best friend
Hug often
Care more, love deeply, treasure always
Be the first to say I'm sorry
Kiss goof morning, kiss & make-up, kiss just because, kiss goodnight
Always be willing to compromise
Respect one another
Be a team player
Remember why you fell in love
Make a promise to each other to find time to be alone together
Don't forget to laugh
Love each other

I wanna love you everyday and every night.

martes, 7 de junio de 2011

Marilyn knew what she was talking about

Randomly listening to: Anything but ordinary by Avril Lavigne

This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well they come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them, actually pretty much all of them, are going to break your heart. But you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soulmate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always always always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.

Come on now give it to me, anything to make me feel alive

lunes, 6 de junio de 2011

More Living

Listening to: What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong

Eat the damn chocolate cake, get your hair wet, love someone, dance in those muddy puddles, tell someone off, draw a picture with crayons like you're still 6 years old and then give it to someone who s very important to you. Take a nap, go on vacation, do a cartwheel, make your own recipe, dance like no one sees you, paint each nail a different colour, take a bubble bath, laugh at a corny joke. Get on that table and dance, pick strawberries, take a jog, plant a garden, make an ugly shirt and wear it all day, learn a new language, write a song, date someone you wouldn't usually go for, make a scrap book, go on a picnic, relac in the sun, make your own home video, kiss the un-kissed, hug the un-hugged, love the unloved, and live your life to the fullest. So at the end of the day, you'll have no regrets, no sorrows, no disappointments,

and I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

domingo, 5 de junio de 2011

About life and living it

Randomly listening to: Keep on singing my song by Christina Aguilera

My first year of university is about to end and, looking back, I think it has probably been as a whole the best year of my life. I've learnt so much, but what I am most thankful for is that I think I've learnt to live life at its fullest so much more.

This year, I've done things I thought I would never dare to do. I've acted crazy, talked crazy, but have been completely real. I've failed, but I know that I tried with all my heart and gave everything of me, everything I had. I've enjoyed every. damn. minute of the journey.

And looking at the people I've left behind, I realize that many of them haven't been as lucky as me. I feel like they are not living, but merely existing. And that makes me sad. Life is short, but they think its long. We should cherish every minute of every hour of every day.

So this week, my blog will be about life. About life and actually living it.

Go now, and live.

Experience. Dream. Risk. Close your eyes and jump. Enjoy the freefall. Choose exhilaration over comfort. Choose magic over predictability. Choose potential over safety. Wake up to the magic of everyday life. Make friends with your intuition. Trust your gut. Discover the beauty of uncertainty. Know yourself fully before you make promises to another. Make millions of mistakes so that you will know how to choose what you really need. Know when to hold on and when to let go. Love hard and often and without reservation. Seek knowledge. Open yourself to possibility. Keep your heart open, your head high and your spirit free. Embrace the darkness along with your light. Be wrong every once in a while, and don't be afraid to admit it. Awaken to the brilliance in ordinary moments. Tell the truth about yourself no matter what the cost. Own your reality without apology. See goodness in the world. Be bold. Be fierce. Be grateful. Be wild, crazy and gloriously free. Be you.

Go now, and live.

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face and nobody's gonna bring me down  today.

sábado, 4 de junio de 2011

Stupid movies giving us high expectations

Randomly listening to: I will always love you by Whitney Houston

You know in romantic movies, specially in romantic comedies, there is always a pattern:

Girl meets boy.
Girl falls for boy.
Problems arise.
One of the two have a grand gesture.
Happy ending.

We've all grown up watching, and wishing that someday we would have something similar, our own movie love story. I grew up loving those grand gestures, believing that whatever you do in love, you can always save it if you try really hard, if you show the other person how much you love them. I've always been a sucker for romance, and believe in it above all else.

So it is disappointing to realize that there is a different kind of story, one that is rarely shown in romantic comedies, one that we really don't want to believe is true.

It's the story of the underdog.
The story of the girl who doesn't get the guy.
The story of the girl who tries her hardest and it still isn't enough.
The story of the girl who doesn't get a happy ending.

and I will always love you

miércoles, 1 de junio de 2011

It's not anger anymore, just sadness

Randomly listening to: The Winner Takes It All by Abba

Thoughts run through my head so quickly I don't even have time to grasp them to fully understand them and be able to put them into words, but they still leave a feeling, an aching inside, which you don't understand I can't explain.

I am a talker. I need to chew on words, several times if possible, to be able to digest them. 45 minutes is not enough time to make it all okay. It is a start, but we still have a long way to go.

I know you are tired of me caring so much, and I am tired too.

So I won't get mad when you leave.

I won't get mad when you don't appreciate my sweet words.

I won't get mad when you forbid me to do what I want.

I won't get mad when you forget about me.

I won't get mad when you take me for granted.

I won't get mad when you treat me like dirt.

But please, forgive me. Forgive me for I can't stop this tear running down my face.

I apologize if it makes you feel bad seeing me so tense, no self confidence

lunes, 30 de mayo de 2011

I've Got a Crush on You

Randomly listening to: There Goes the Fear by Doves

Today is not about anger. 
     Today is not about pain. 
          Today is not about disappointment. 
               Today is not about loss.


Today is about crushes. 
     Today is about butterflies.
          Today is about happiness. 
               Today is about hope. 

I want to sleep with you.
I don't mean have sex.
I mean sleep. Together.
Under m blankets. In my bed.
With my hand on your chest.
And your arm around me.
With the window cracked.
So it's chilly and we have to cuddle closer.
No talking.
Just sleep, blissfully happy, silence.

Think of me when you close your eyes

domingo, 29 de mayo de 2011

Love Never Dies...HA!

Listening to: The BSO from Love Never Dies (Musical)

The thing is, we always knew that no one really understood our relationship, that what we had was something special that only us, being in the inside, could fully get. That it was you and me against the world.

And when in July you felt like I had treated you wrongly, you decided that it was the end of our special relationship. You were disappointed, hurt. You didn't, or couldn't, trust me anymore. You were done with me. But I wouldn't hear it, I wouldn't allow it. I talked, fought, cried, desperately for you to forgive me, for you to believe in me again. I could just not imagine losing you. The thought was too hard to bear.

And I managed to fix what had been broken, little by little.

Now it is me that has lost faith in you. Now it is me that needed for you to fight. Fight for me.

How naive of me to think you would.

Love is not always beautiful