jueves, 27 de septiembre de 2012

Trying to forget the past.

Randomly listening to: Last Night on Earth by Green Day

Lying in the dark, my back to him, I could hear his breathing in sync with my own. I closed my eyes and thought about how fleeting happiness could be. His arm then crept around my waist and he pulled me towards him and in that exact moment I decided that it didn't matter.

With every breath that I'm worth here on Earth I'm sending all my love to you.

martes, 25 de septiembre de 2012

Feeling inspired.

To love.
To be loved.
To never forget your own insignificance.
To never get used to the unspeakable violence
and the vulgar disparity of life around you.
To seek joy in the saddest places.
To pursue beauty to its lair.
To never simplify what is complicated
or complicate what is simple.
To respect strength, not power.
Above all, to watch.
To try and understand.
To never look away.
And never, never, to forget.

Arundhati Roy

I love her and that's the beginning and end of everything.

sábado, 11 de agosto de 2012

In need of a Prince Charming, but you'll do for now.

Randomly listening to: All I Wanted by Paramore

You're not my forever. Hell, you're not even my near future. You're my present and that's only because I needed a present and you were the most interesting option.

I know this sounds unromantic, and it is so out of character for me, but I'm starting to accept that it's okay not to fall in love with you. And it's okay that this won't last longer than the summer.

And still I don't even know if you're what I want for my summer. But it's August already and it's too late now.

I guess it's a good thing that I'm finally admitting this to myself.

I'm looking for so much more, but I just can't find it.

So you'll do for now.

At least for now.

I could follow you to the beginning just to relive the start.
Maybe then we'd remember to slow down at all of our favorite parts.

lunes, 25 de junio de 2012

About who I used to be.

Listening to: Naive by The Kooks

You used to think the world of me, remember? You said I was the best person you knew. You said you were so lucky to have me in your life. You used to be proud of me.

I don't think you think of me that way anymore. I know I don't think about myself that way anymore. I don't know who I am anymore to be honest.

Maybe I just want you to see me the way you used to so I can go back to see myself that way too. I want to go back to being that person you thought so much of.

I just don't know how to.

I'm not saying it's your fault although you could have done more.

sábado, 2 de junio de 2012

Love Story.

The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
They’re in each other all along.
Poem by Rumi (1207-1273)

domingo, 27 de mayo de 2012

The bittersweet between my teeth.

Randomly listening to: Young Blood by The Naked and The Famous

Sometimes I find myself willing to do so much
For people
Who wouldn't move a finger for me
Who don't deserve me
And even though I know this
I still do it.

We're all young and naive still...

jueves, 24 de mayo de 2012

Every atom of me misses you.

I will miss you
even in the moments
when you are right
beside me.
Time apart has planted
longing inside me
and I do not think
it is a weed
that will ever stop
It will always live there,
but my god
it grows the most

-Tyler Knott Gregson-

lunes, 21 de mayo de 2012

I just miss you so much.

Randomly listening to: What If by Simple Plan

I remember how you used to be able to tell when I was smiling through the phone. You always knew exactly what to say.

Now the only thing I get from you is constant disappointment.

What happened?

I'll be waiting here for you to call me.

domingo, 20 de mayo de 2012

Wait for something better.

Randomly listening to: This is Your Life By The Killers

She was a summer day, a burst of light, an explosion of colour. I was just the one lucky enough to be by her side. I was content with being invisible if it meant standing by her.

But then you saw me, and suddenly I started shining just as bright.

The sky is full of dreams but you don't know how to fly.

miércoles, 16 de mayo de 2012


These past two years,
I feel like I've been losing more than finding

martes, 15 de mayo de 2012

Is forever actually real?

Randomly listening to: Catalyst by Anna Nalick

Have you ever wondered about who will be there when your life is ending? Who will actually be there forever. Out of all your friends now, who will be the ones who stay. I mean, I'm talking about 60 years, maybe even more. Do people actually stick around for so long?

I really hope so.

When you say love is a simple chemical reaction can't say I agree, Cause my chemica left me a beautiful disaster. Still love's all I see.

Don't leave me on that old, black road.

Randomly listening to: Untold by Pete Francis

I've been thinking,
Maybe it's not you that I haven't forgiven,
Maybe it's me.

Something's lost, something ain't right.

lunes, 14 de mayo de 2012

I'm not the one.

Randomly listening to: Not the One by Collective Soul

Things weren't the same with us, not right away, and maybe not ever. We were growing up. We were still figuring out how to be in each other's lives without being everything to each other.

-We'll Always have Summer-

While patiently your world still bleeds, who shall be the one?

martes, 8 de mayo de 2012

Feeling Lucky.

Randomly listening to: I Feel Lucky by Lucy & The Cloud Parade

Drive fast on empty streets
with nothing in mind
except falling in love and
not getting arrested.

-Hunter s. Thompson.

domingo, 6 de mayo de 2012

Regrets collect like old friends.

Randomly Listening To: Shake It Out by Florence and The Machine

you see,
there is this loneliness,
and sometimes it eats us all alive.

And I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't.

jueves, 3 de mayo de 2012

I could forgive you if you wanted me to.

Randomly listening to: Choux Pastry Heart by Corinne Bailey Rae

I wouldn't find it difficult to forgive you if you wanted me to. I mean, if you really tried I could not only forgive but forget by tomorrow. Yes, I am that easy.

I can forgive almost anything, I've found.

But I can't forgive someone who isn't sorry for what he's done.
I can't forgive someone who isn't sorry for having hurt me.
I can't forgive someone who doesn't want to get back what he's lost.
I can't forgive someone who doesn't care about being forgiven.

P.S. Any thoughts on my blog's new look?

I was just waiting for an answer, still you made your own apologies.

The Notebook letter breaks my heart a little bit.

I couldn't sleep last night because i know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best kind of love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you. 


lunes, 30 de abril de 2012

When you try your best but you don't succeed.

Listening to: Fix You by Coldplay

How can you tell me that you stopped wanting me to be an important part of your life when you stopped trusting me completely and expect me to just leave it like that?
How am I supposed to move on with my life when I can't understand where my mistake was?
That sounds wrong.
I know I made thousands of mistakes. So did you love.
But I never imagined that you had stopped trusting me.
Oh God, Why does this hurt so much?
You abandoned me and here I am, ready to keep fighting. In fact I'm the one pulling us both. And I know I should just stop. Stop. Stop. Why can't I stop?
And why can't we just be completely honest with each other instead of playing this game where I seem to always be the loser? Because apparently the one who cares the least wins.
This is nonsense.
"When you love someone but it goes to waste. Could it be worse?" That's what I'm hearing right now and the answer is one thousand times no. It can't be any worse.

Tears stream down your face when you lose something you cannot replace.

jueves, 19 de abril de 2012

Doing the right thing.

Randomly listening to: Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division

You know how there are moments in life when you know you are at a crossroads? Well, that is where I am right now apparently. I have two choices: Do what I want, or do what I think I should. I've been thinking about the possibility of this moment forever now, and I always thought it would be easier. I told myself that I of course would do the right thing...

I don't want to do the right thing though.

I guess that's the thing about doing what's right. It's always the hardest option.

Yet there's still this appeal that we've kept through our lives

lunes, 16 de abril de 2012

All You Need Is Love.

Randomly listening to: I Want To Hold Your Hand by The Beatles

Being in a relationship isn't about the kissing, the dates, or the showing off. It's about being with someone who makes you happy in a way that no one else can.

To me, true love is the sweetest thing in life. That's why we're all either in love or looking for love. Sometimes you have to work for it- especially when life gets in the way- but I believe true, deep love is always worth fighting for.

And please say to me you'll let me hold your hand.

It's kind of fucked up.

Randomly listening to: Starlight by Muse

It's kind of fucked up, isn't it?

How all of a sudden, someone just wakes up and decides to never talk to you again. No reason. No explanation. No words said. They just leave you hanging like you never meant shit to them, and what hurts the most is how they make it look so easy.

I just wanted to hold you in my arms.

jueves, 12 de abril de 2012

Captain Corelli's Mandolin

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don't blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being "in love", which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

Dr. Iannis

domingo, 25 de marzo de 2012

Where are you?

Randomly listening to: Under Cover of Darkness by The Strokes

I want a man who is not afraid of confrontation. Who will shout when he's angry and fight for what he believes to be true, but is also capable of saying I'm sorry when he knows he's wrong. I want a man who understands my past and wants to make my future better. I want a man with dreams as big as mine. I want a man who will find the time to read even when he's extremely busy because he loves it so much. I want a man who will teach me things. Who will take me to places I've never been to. I want a man who tries to understand me even when I can't understand myself.Who is willing to take me out do dance and doesn't worry about what everyone else might think. I want a man who surprises me with his spontaneity. Who tells me to jump in the car with him. I want a man who doesn't give up on me when things get hard. Who loves me too much to ever let me go and who knows that, whatever happens, I won't let him go either.

So long my friend and adversary but oh, I'll wait for you.

sábado, 24 de marzo de 2012


Randomly listening to: Rise & Fall by The Cinematics.

We mistake sex for romance. Guys are taught that pushing a girl against a wall is romance. Sex is easy, you can do it with anyone, yourself, with batteries. Romance is when someone you like walks into a room and they take your breath away. Romance is when two people are dancing and they fit together perfectly. Romance is when two people are walking next to each other and all of a sudden they find themselves holding hands, and they don't know how that happened.

John C. Moffi

And your body's warmth will only leave me colder in my world.

miércoles, 21 de marzo de 2012

I saw him again.

I saw him again. I saw him again and I wasn't prepared, you see, because I had spent the whole month trying to accept that he didn't want to see me. But he did. He did want to see me. Probably not as much as I wanted to see him, but just enough for me to hold on to it.

And I couldn't sleep that night, I was so nervous. 

When I saw him I didn't know what to do. It took a moment for me to realize I needed to hug him. That hug was not long enough. I wanted to hold on to him longer, I wanted to hold on forever, but I didn't want to scare him off. So I played it cool.

Playing it cool has never been my thing you see? Did I talk too much? Was I funny enough? Did I act the way I was supposed to? Was I good enough for him to not regret seeing me?

I hope so, and I hate not being able to ask, I hate not knowing what he thinks, and I hate feeling so pathetic because I care so much.

I thought it went well. I thought it was a step forward to regain our weird friendship.

Later, my friend asked me if there had been any sexual tension and I'm scared that the answer might have been yes.

And I'm scared that the answer might have been no.

Things I wish we had done.

 I wish we had rented a hotel room for one night and slept in each others' arms. I wish we had travelled and discovered the world together. I wish we had had a time when we saw each other every day. I wish we had gone to the beach and played in the water for hours. I wish we had done everything we always said we wanted to do. I wish we had had the time.

Maybe there was a time when I thought that we could get it back, just because I thought you wanted it too. Maybe I still wish that you still thought of us as a possibility, even if it is far away in the future.

But it's clear by the way you act, it's clear by the way you talk, that I am no longer that possibility for you.

I was hoping you and I might end up together.

lunes, 12 de marzo de 2012

A little bit of poetry.

When you find a man
Who transforms
Every part of you
Into poetry,
Who makes each one of your hairs
Into a poem,
When you find a man,
As I am
Of bathing and adorning you
With poetry,
I will beg you
To follow him without hesitation,
It is not important
That you belong to me or him
But that you belong to poetry.
 by Nizar Qabbani 

jueves, 1 de marzo de 2012

About living life to its full potential

Randomly listening to: London Skies by Jamie Cullum

Take a step back. Fucking look at yourself. You are human. You are beautiful. You are so beautiful. And you can be anything. You can be everything. Do not hate because someone broke your heart, or because your parents split up, your best friend betrayed you, your father hit you, the kid down the street called you fat, ugly, stupid, worthless. Do not concern yourself with things you cannot control. Cry when you need to, then let go when it's time. Don't hang onto painful memories just because you're afraid to forget. Let go of things that are in the past. Forget things that aren't worth remembering. Stop taking things for granted. Stop taking life for granted. Live for something. Live for yourself. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Do this over and over until you know what it really is to love someone. Question things. Tell people how you really feel. Sleep under the stars. Create. Imagine. Inspire. Share something wonderful. Make something beautiful and then destroy it. Meet new people. Make someone's day. Follow your dreams. Live your life to its full potential. Just live, dammit. Let go of all the horrible things in your life and just fucking live. And one day, when you're old, look back with no regrets.

You know the sunlight always shines behind the  clouds of London skies.

jueves, 26 de enero de 2012

What I would say to you if I could

It's 26th of January today. Does that day ring a bell? I hope it does, at least slightly, because I haven't stopped thinking today how it was four years ago that we started dating. I really do hope you've thought about it... I really do hope that, even if you are with her, you haven't forgotten what we had.

I miss you terribly. I guess you always miss your first love (specially if it's the only one you've ever had). Well...At least I always will. You probably will forget about me pretty soon. I know you already are in the process of doing exactly that. Good for you. I bet it's less painful that way.

I don't think I would like to forget about it myself though, but you know how nostalgic I am. I really hope that I'll remember what we had as something incredibly special for the rest of my life. Because we were pretty special.

At least together. I'm not much by myself...Oh well...

I guess today makes me sad, because of what I no longer have. It's more about the feelings than you though. I miss the butterflies I guess.

Why am I so impatient? I want to share my life with someone special again but I can't seem to find anyone to fill those shoes and I'm oh so tired of being alone.

And you have her, and I bet she makes you happy. And I bet you love her more than you loved me, because I bet she's actually special. And you know what sucks? Knowing that I couldn't even keep the only person who's ever truly loved me from leaving.

Oh well, it's nearly 27th now. Just a couple more hours left of this day that I'll always have bittersweet feelings about.

Because when I say always, I mean it.

Remember those fights of "I love you more"? Looks like I've won.

martes, 24 de enero de 2012

Kill hope

Randomly listening to: Happy Ending by Mika

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we make ourselves believe that if we're being left it's not because we are not loved but because of other inevitable reasons which have nothing to do with us? Why can't we just accept that things change, people grow apart, and love doesn't always last forever?

I keep finding people who think they've just been dumped because of too much distance, too much fighting, too many problems, when the truth is there was just too little love.

I guess it's just hard to accept that someone you still love with all your heart just doesn't feel that way about you anymore. How can you not feel awful about yourself when you realise you couldn't make someone love you?

And in a weird way the ones who tries to break your heart in a gentle way don't help. I mean, if you don't love someone anymore, if you don't see each other together ever again, just come right out and say it. Euphemisms don't help. Don't be afraid to hurt someone by saying what you really feel because, hello? You're already hurting them anyways, so you might as well do it right.

 It's too easy to hold on to things like "our timing is wrong" or "I just don't want this right now". Be fair and don't leave hope in people's hearts.

Because hope is deadly.

Hope destroys you slowly.

Hope doesn't let you move on.

If I pretend that nothing ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep , I can think that we just carried on.