Getting over or simply getting used to.

Randomly listening to: Learnt my lesson well by Kaiser Chiefs

I try and believe that everything will be okay, someday. And most times, I do believe that I will be happy.

But other days I wonder how I can ever get over this. I feel like I'm trying to just have happy thoughts in my head but I am not strong enough to keep the bad ones out. How can you get over so much pain? Because it has been months and I still feel like it's eating me alive and I still think about it everyday. And I've tried to stop myself, I've tried to stop the tears from falling, but I can't. I don't feel like I'm getting any better, I just feel like I'm getting used to it, and maybe that is all I will ever manage to do. Maybe getting used to it is as good as it gets. 

I just don't like the changes.

I want someone to fight for me.

Randomly listening to: Wicked Game by Chris Isaak (Giant Drag's version)


Just once. I want someone to be afraid of losing me. Not just say that they don't want to lose me. I want them to mean it. I want them to genuinely be afraid of losing me. You have those people, that just say that they never want to lose you. But then one day, they just decide to leave. I want someone to fight for me. When I'm about to leave, to pull me back. Tell me what they love about me. Tell me how much they love me. Tell me what I mean to them.
No. Screw that. I don't want words. Words mean nothing. I want them to show me how much they don't want to lose me. I want them to prove to me, everything that they'll ever say to me. You say you love me, well show me that you do. You say you care about me, prove it. You say you don't want to lose me, well, show me.
One day, I hope someone will fight for me.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.

In the search for something better.

Randomly listening to: Only the good die young by Billy Joel

Maybe there is beauty in not knowing,

in the uncertainty.

Maybe there is beauty in being lost,

in the waiting.

Maybe there is beauty in the fear,

that you will never find me.

I believe in you. I believe in the idea of you. In the possibility of you. I believe that in spite of everything that has happened to me. I might not have found you yet, I might have thought you were someone else and got myself hurt in the process, but I'm not going to give up because of that.

 Even if they have made it hard for me to believe recently, deep down I know I deserve something better,  and I am going to find it. I am going to find you. Yes. I. Am.

The stained-glass curtain you're hiding behind never lets in the sun.

quotes about us...about you...and me.

Randomly listening to: The Mixed Tape by Jack's Mannequin


It took me forever, but I finally realized, you've changed. We've changed. Everything has changed. I'm not comfortable around you like I was. We're back to making small talk because we have nothing else to talk about, because we've drifted so far apart that we forgot everything we've been through It's like we're strangers.

Go ahead, move on, forget all of our memories, forget I even exist. But when you realize you made a huge mistake by letting me go, don't try and come back to me. I won't be waiting for you.

Where are you now?

Wanting to.

Randomly listening to: Boys Don't Cry by The Cure


I don't need to know every detail about you. I don't need to know who your first kiss was or where you got that scar on your knee from. I don't need to know what your favorite food is or how you sleep at night. I don't need to know about the things you dream of. I don't need to know what every look you give means. I don't need to know what you do when you're nervous or sad. I don't need to know if you think about me or not.

But I want to.

I would tell you that  I love you if I thought that you would stay.

I wish I had the courage to say hello

Randomly listening to: Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now by The Smiths


Sometimes I wish I could be braver. You know, take more chances. Sometimes I wish I could just get rid of this shyness that has always followed me. Even though that same shyness is part of the reason why I like him.
So who is he?
I don't know yet, and probably after last night I will never know.
I spotted him in the crowd, the same way I had a month ago, and I couldn't help but think this was some kind of weird sign, the universe giving me a second chance somehow. 
Again there were looks, and this time even his friend seemed obvious about it. And still I couldn't say a word. 
But how do you say anything to someone who reminds you so much of that boy who broke your heart? And is it maybe a little bit crazy, a little bit masochist of me to want someone who looks so much like that guy I can't forgive? That guy I still miss?
And what is the point anyways? I don't want a one night fling but I can't have much more. I'm going back to England in two weeks! And thinking about it, I really don't mind that much about me leaving when meeting someone. But most people mind.
And there I was again over thinking the situation instead of just going for it.
So now I'll be waiting probably for nothing for that third chance, hoping that this time, I get the courage necessary to at least say hi.

Two lovers entwined pass me by and heaven knows I'm miserable now.

Something I've realized today

Randomly listening to: Where you lead by Carole King


It's amazing when you realize that people can still surprise you. That disappointment is, luckily, not the only thing in the menu. That that person you hadn't really noticed before is there for you, even when the ones you would have sworn would be, aren't.
So today is for those people. The ones that might be sitting down for the most part but that, when you need them, they immediately step up.
Thank you for making me believe in friendship again.

HERE'S TO THE KIDS WHO
TRY THEIR HARDEST TO
BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE;
WHO SPEND HOURS
READING RANDOM
QUOTES TO FIND THE
RIGHT ONE;WHO LISTEN
TO THE SAME SONG
DOZENS OF TIMES
BECAUSE THE LYRICS
MEAN A LOT;
WHO DESERVE
SO MUCH MORE
THAN THEY GET
AND ARE WILLING
TO FIGHT FOR IT
AND WHOSE WISH
UPON A SHOOTING STAR
WAS WASTED ON SOMEONE
THAT WILL NEVER CARE.

And I would go to the ends of the earth. Oh, darling, to me that's what you're worth.