In the search for something better.

Randomly listening to: Only the good die young by Billy Joel

Maybe there is beauty in not knowing,

in the uncertainty.

Maybe there is beauty in being lost,

in the waiting.

Maybe there is beauty in the fear,

that you will never find me.

I believe in you. I believe in the idea of you. In the possibility of you. I believe that in spite of everything that has happened to me. I might not have found you yet, I might have thought you were someone else and got myself hurt in the process, but I'm not going to give up because of that.

 Even if they have made it hard for me to believe recently, deep down I know I deserve something better,  and I am going to find it. I am going to find you. Yes. I. Am.

The stained-glass curtain you're hiding behind never lets in the sun.

quotes about us...about you...and me.

Randomly listening to: The Mixed Tape by Jack's Mannequin


It took me forever, but I finally realized, you've changed. We've changed. Everything has changed. I'm not comfortable around you like I was. We're back to making small talk because we have nothing else to talk about, because we've drifted so far apart that we forgot everything we've been through It's like we're strangers.

Go ahead, move on, forget all of our memories, forget I even exist. But when you realize you made a huge mistake by letting me go, don't try and come back to me. I won't be waiting for you.

Where are you now?

Wanting to.

Randomly listening to: Boys Don't Cry by The Cure


I don't need to know every detail about you. I don't need to know who your first kiss was or where you got that scar on your knee from. I don't need to know what your favorite food is or how you sleep at night. I don't need to know about the things you dream of. I don't need to know what every look you give means. I don't need to know what you do when you're nervous or sad. I don't need to know if you think about me or not.

But I want to.

I would tell you that  I love you if I thought that you would stay.

I wish I had the courage to say hello

Randomly listening to: Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now by The Smiths


Sometimes I wish I could be braver. You know, take more chances. Sometimes I wish I could just get rid of this shyness that has always followed me. Even though that same shyness is part of the reason why I like him.
So who is he?
I don't know yet, and probably after last night I will never know.
I spotted him in the crowd, the same way I had a month ago, and I couldn't help but think this was some kind of weird sign, the universe giving me a second chance somehow. 
Again there were looks, and this time even his friend seemed obvious about it. And still I couldn't say a word. 
But how do you say anything to someone who reminds you so much of that boy who broke your heart? And is it maybe a little bit crazy, a little bit masochist of me to want someone who looks so much like that guy I can't forgive? That guy I still miss?
And what is the point anyways? I don't want a one night fling but I can't have much more. I'm going back to England in two weeks! And thinking about it, I really don't mind that much about me leaving when meeting someone. But most people mind.
And there I was again over thinking the situation instead of just going for it.
So now I'll be waiting probably for nothing for that third chance, hoping that this time, I get the courage necessary to at least say hi.

Two lovers entwined pass me by and heaven knows I'm miserable now.

Something I've realized today

Randomly listening to: Where you lead by Carole King


It's amazing when you realize that people can still surprise you. That disappointment is, luckily, not the only thing in the menu. That that person you hadn't really noticed before is there for you, even when the ones you would have sworn would be, aren't.
So today is for those people. The ones that might be sitting down for the most part but that, when you need them, they immediately step up.
Thank you for making me believe in friendship again.

HERE'S TO THE KIDS WHO
TRY THEIR HARDEST TO
BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE;
WHO SPEND HOURS
READING RANDOM
QUOTES TO FIND THE
RIGHT ONE;WHO LISTEN
TO THE SAME SONG
DOZENS OF TIMES
BECAUSE THE LYRICS
MEAN A LOT;
WHO DESERVE
SO MUCH MORE
THAN THEY GET
AND ARE WILLING
TO FIGHT FOR IT
AND WHOSE WISH
UPON A SHOOTING STAR
WAS WASTED ON SOMEONE
THAT WILL NEVER CARE.

And I would go to the ends of the earth. Oh, darling, to me that's what you're worth.

The end of my childhood

I've already seen Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 twice, even though it is obviously not as good as I would like it to be, even though there are some parts that are rather lame and some parts which they've invented and some parts which are just missing.
But its Harry Potter.
It's what I've spent my childhood, my teenage years, obsessed with.
It's thanks to Harry Potter that I began reading seriously, all those years ago.

We defended the Stone, we found the Chamber, we freed the Prisoner, we were chosen by the Goblet, we fought alongside the Order, we learnt from the Prince and we mastered the Hallows.

We are the Harry Potter generation.


And now it's ended. That part of my life is gone, it's over.

Why do I still want you?

Randomly listening to: Hope you're happy by Lene Marlin


How can I still want you when I don't even know you? How can I still want you when you regret having kissed me? How can I still want you when I know what you've done? How can I still want you when I can't even understand you?
Does my naivety have a limit? 
And I just want you to talk to me, to explain to me why you are the way you are, why you've hurt me, why you've done what you have. I want an explanation that I will never get.
It sucks.
I guess I can't believe that the boy who asked for a hug in the complete darkness in my bed and then kissed me so gently could have a bad heart. And I guess I can't believe that he didn't feel anything.
I wish I was the kind of person that could let it go. I wish I could not care. 


But most of all, I wish I didn't still want you.

Sorry that I could not be as perfect as you wanted me. Just wondering what's going on in your mind.