What I would say to you if I could

It's 26th of January today. Does that day ring a bell? I hope it does, at least slightly, because I haven't stopped thinking today how it was four years ago that we started dating. I really do hope you've thought about it... I really do hope that, even if you are with her, you haven't forgotten what we had.

I miss you terribly. I guess you always miss your first love (specially if it's the only one you've ever had). Well...At least I always will. You probably will forget about me pretty soon. I know you already are in the process of doing exactly that. Good for you. I bet it's less painful that way.

I don't think I would like to forget about it myself though, but you know how nostalgic I am. I really hope that I'll remember what we had as something incredibly special for the rest of my life. Because we were pretty special.

At least together. I'm not much by myself...Oh well...

I guess today makes me sad, because of what I no longer have. It's more about the feelings than you though. I miss the butterflies I guess.

Why am I so impatient? I want to share my life with someone special again but I can't seem to find anyone to fill those shoes and I'm oh so tired of being alone.

And you have her, and I bet she makes you happy. And I bet you love her more than you loved me, because I bet she's actually special. And you know what sucks? Knowing that I couldn't even keep the only person who's ever truly loved me from leaving.

Oh well, it's nearly 27th now. Just a couple more hours left of this day that I'll always have bittersweet feelings about.

Because when I say always, I mean it.

Remember those fights of "I love you more"? Looks like I've won.

Kill hope

Randomly listening to: Happy Ending by Mika


Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we make ourselves believe that if we're being left it's not because we are not loved but because of other inevitable reasons which have nothing to do with us? Why can't we just accept that things change, people grow apart, and love doesn't always last forever?

I keep finding people who think they've just been dumped because of too much distance, too much fighting, too many problems, when the truth is there was just too little love.

I guess it's just hard to accept that someone you still love with all your heart just doesn't feel that way about you anymore. How can you not feel awful about yourself when you realise you couldn't make someone love you?

And in a weird way the ones who tries to break your heart in a gentle way don't help. I mean, if you don't love someone anymore, if you don't see each other together ever again, just come right out and say it. Euphemisms don't help. Don't be afraid to hurt someone by saying what you really feel because, hello? You're already hurting them anyways, so you might as well do it right.

 It's too easy to hold on to things like "our timing is wrong" or "I just don't want this right now". Be fair and don't leave hope in people's hearts.

Because hope is deadly.

Hope destroys you slowly.

Hope doesn't let you move on.

If I pretend that nothing ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep , I can think that we just carried on.

The beauty of words.

Randomly listening to: The Cave by Mumford & Sons


Your girlfriend is hot.


My girlfriend is hot? My girlfriend is hot? You have the entire English language, with it's vast spectrum of adjectives to describe my girlfriend, and you settle for "hot"?
You have done her a great disservice.
My girlfriend is far beyond beautiful. My girlfriend is enamoring, enrapturing, captivating, ravishing, lovely, incredible, overwhelming, adorable, alluring, enticing and radiant. She's a stunner-she'll take your breath away before you have a chance to introduce yourself. Her eyes constantly shine with joy, even in the midst of pain or sadness. She's a fireball that I can barely handle but I can tell you wouldn't stand a chance. She has a mind that could tear yours to shreds, considering the one word you chose to describe her with is "hot".
Don't ever degrade my girlfriend like that again.

(Something I read and liked. Something I wish someone would say about me.)

And I'll find strength in pain.

People always leave.

Randomly listening to: My Love by Sara Bareilles


I don't need some elaborate apology. I don't need you to play me our song in front of all our friends, or just me. I don't need you to wait outside my class with a dozen roses. I just need you to tell me simply that you are fucking sorry, and that you need me as much as I need you.

Each time someone left,
I cried out,
"Don't leave me here alone.
I don't want to be
left alone
for forever."
But there was no sound.
No words.

Every time I went somewhere or did something, I thought, "you should be here with me." Then I'd think of all the things we had promised to do, all the places we said we would go. Then I'd get angry, and then I'd feel sad, and then I'd forget about it because what else is there to do?

My love is on his way. I'm waiting patiently but if you see me now, my love, please hurry .

Not for the cynics of the world.

Randomly listening to: Let it Snow (Glee Cast Version)


Just popping in to wish everyone a merry Christmas. I hope everyone enjoys the rest, the family, the friends or whatever it is you happen to enjoy at this time of year. (You never know.)

Here are some quotes of one of my favorite movies of all time, which just happens to be a Christmas movie :).


But you know, the thing about romance is... people only get together right at the very end. 


"Tell her that you love her."
"No way! Anyway, they fly tonight."
"Even better! Sam, you've got nothin' to lose, and you'll always regret it if you don't! I never told your mom enough. I should have told her everyday because she was perfect everyday. You've seen the films, kiddo. It ain't over 'til its over."


True love lasts a lifetime.




(Ahh, I am such a hopeless romantic...)


(And if anyone still doesn't know what movie it is, I just have to say...Shame on you.)

The Archipielago of Kisses

We live in a modern society. Husbands and wives don’t

grow on trees, like in the old days. So where

does one find love? When you’re sixteen it’s easy,

like being unleashed with a credit card

in a department store of kisses. There’s the first kiss.

The sloppy kiss. The peck.

The sympathy kiss. The backseat smooch. The we

shouldn’t be doing this kiss. The but your lips

taste so good kiss. The bury me in an avalanche of tingles kiss.

The I wish you’d quit smoking kiss.

The I accept your apology, but you make me really mad

sometimes kiss. The I know

your tongue like the back of my hand kiss. As you get

older, kisses become scarce. You’ll be driving

home and see a damaged kiss on the side of the road,

with its purple thumb out. If you

were younger, you’d pull over, slide open the mouth’s

red door just to see how it fits. Oh where

does one find love? If you rub two glances, you get a smile.

Rub two smiles, you get a warm feeling.

Rub two warm feelings and presto-you have a kiss.

Now what? Don’t invite the kiss over

and answer the door in your underwear. It’ll get suspicious

and stare at your toes. Don’t water the kiss with whiskey.

It’ll turn bright pink and explode into a thousand luscious splinters,

but in the morning it’ll be ashamed and sneak out of

your body without saying good-bye,

and you’ll remember that kiss forever by all the little cuts it left

on the inside of your mouth. You must

nurture the kiss. Turn out the lights. Notice how it

illuminates the room. Hold it to your chest

and wonder if the sand inside hourglasses comes from a

special beach. Place it on the tongue’s pillow,

then look up the first recorded kiss in an encyclopedia: beneath

a Babylonian olive tree in 1200 B.C.

But one kiss levitates above all the others. The

intersection of function and desire. The I do kiss.

The I’ll love you through a brick wall kiss.

Even when I’m dead, I’ll swim through the Earth,

like a mermaid of the soil, just to be next to your bones.

The Archipielago of Kisses

Jeffrey McDaniel

This girl means the world to me.

Randomly listening to: The Scientist by Coldplay


There is a girl who loves me unconditionally. A girl I know I can count on for everything. A girl I know will never leave me.

There is a girl who checks my blog to make sure I'm okay. A girl who gets frustrated when I write that I need someone I can trust, because she thinks I don't know she's there for me. A girl who will listen to my complaints for hours and the only words that will come out of her mouth are kind ones.

There is a girl who has been wronged so many times in the past but still sees the world as a beautiful place. A girl who is treated unkindly for being "too good" (as if that were ever possible). A girl who deserves so much better.

There is a girl who has been by my side for many years now. A girl who I've wronged in the past and has forgiven me but I will never forgive myself for it. A girl who I love with all my heart.

That girl who might be the only one reading this.

Today's post is dedicated to you.

I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart.