Must I always be waiting waiting on you?

Randomly listening to: Sitting, Waiting, Wishing by Jack Johnson


Whatever happened to keeping in contact? Whatever happened to making sure that distance didn't pull us apart? Whatever happened to our friendship being stronger than that? Whatever happened to fighting?


I know, I know, it has always been my role to be the one to reach out, to maintain that. I know, I know, you just expect me to keep doing that.


But I am so fed up.


Fuck. Don't you know that I have a life too?


The only difference between you and me is that I actually try.

And I wouldn't mind trying harder than the rest if I actually saw the rest trying.

 But I don't. I see no effort whatsoever and I just feel like you don't care.

And I just want to turn around and walk and walk till you run behind me and catch up with me.

But I'm so scared of having to walk forever and ending too far away from you.

I can 't  always be waiting waiting on you

And I just miss it all

Listening to: Nothing


I miss having someone to hug, someone to lean on, someone to count on completely. I miss knowing that someone loves me, that someone would do anything for me, that I mean the world to someone. I miss the kisses, the knowing smiles, the looks filled with love. I miss being called beautiful, feeling completely confident, made love to. I miss not having to miss all this, not having to look for it, not being disappointed by the search.

And you smiling at me pathetically makes my day

Randomly listening to: Free Fallin' by John Mayer


I love sitting around like a little kid again and watching cartoons all morning. I love dreams that you don't want to end and finding money that you didn't know you had. I love hugs from behind and inmature inside jokes. I love laughing till it hurts and being called beautiful. I love knowing you made someone's day. I love singing in the shower, talking for hours without running out of things to say and photography that captures the moment perfectly. I love those days where everything seems to go just the way you planned and I love feeling like you could just conquer the world.

Oh, I'm gonna leave this, this world for a while...

Sweep me off my feet, make me believe in fairytales

Randomly listening to: Romeo & Juliet by Dire Straits (The Killers version)


I stare. I stare. I stare.

You have to feel my gaze. It has to burn.

But again you prove me right when I say that I'm invisible. You don't even see me.

Its not like I think you are going to fall in love with me immediately, but at least a glance would be very much appreciated.

At least I wouldn't be sitting here, alone in my room, thinking what so many girls have thought before me and will think after:

What's wrong with me?


Why am I all alone?

And there's a place for us, you know the movie song. When you gonna realize, it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?

About not being able to do anything.

Randomly listening to: Airplanes by B.o.B feat Hayley Williams


Is this really what you want? For us to mean nothing at all to each other? Is that really better? Can you actually do that?


If you chose to end this, I would suffer deeply. I would hate to have you see you go. You are part of me so losing you would be like losing myself. I would remember what we had every day.


But you don't seem to understand.


We are not together anymore. 


Things change. And you shouldn't worry every damn minute about it.

I am not careful with what I say to the rest of my friends. I don't worry that a sentence will send them away.

But with you...

I walk through pins and needles. And it shouldn't have to be that way.


And maybe I shouldn't fight it. Maybe you need this. Maybe we both do.

All I know is that there is nothing more I can do. It is your decision.

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky  are like shooting stars? 

I could really use a wish right now...

Awesome writing by someone else

Randomly listening to: Fade into you by Mazzy Star


Sometimes I dream of touch and colour and that life's still full of magic but it's not really, there's just soda pop bubbles, just these stupid teeth, just me trying to win, trying to get a girl like you to like a boy like me, you're too pretty and I have never been that good at slaying dragons.

What can I even tell you? You make me so nervous and sick in my stomach, I want you so bad that it's just like the wind getting knocked out of my chest - all the time.

Besides, my hands shake too much, my mouth gets too dry. I'm not good at these things you see?

I am not the hero nor the monster, I am just the person who writes down the stories od the heroes and the monsters and it's bittersweet, I want mine, I'm too greedy, blah, blah, blah.

God damn you. I want you more than air. I'm too old for this. I couldn't stop feeling this way if I tried.

I want to hold the hand inside you, I want to take a breath that's true

Happy (Late) New Year

Randomly listening to: Dustland Fairytale by The Killers


So, a new year has started. Well, it actually started 5 days ago, but we don't have to be technical, do we? It's 2011 everyone...A whole new year...What will it bring us?

I haven't written any New Year Resolutions in ages. I find that they don't work for me. Well, I really haven't found anyone who gets them done.

Therefore, as we know we are not going to follow them, why not write some crazy resolutions? What would I do if I could do anything in 2011? What would I want if I could have anything?

1. I want to be at the top of my class.

2. I want a boy who will sweep me off my feet.

3. I want the Four Fantastics to get together once a month at least.

4. I want to see the world.

5. I want a driving license.

6. I want to have more followers in my blog.

7. I want to be able to stand up for myself.

7. I want to be proud of who I am and where I'm going.

8. I want to live my life at its fullest.

9. I want to smile all the time.

10. I want to be happy.

So, if you could ask for anything...what would you ask for?

A dustland fairytale beginning  or just another white trash county kiss