Cute guys and actually talking to them

Listening to: Why Can't I? by Liz Phair

And when you say hello, and I reply almost silently, I wish I had the courage to say more.
And even though I've been here before and I've survived, it seems impossible for me to get any closer.
And your smile makes my day.
And all these thoughts run through my head:
"Could he ever like me?"
"Has he looked at me?"
"Does he even know my name?"
And I wish that I was just like your pretty friends who you talk with.
And I am so jealous of them.
And I just feel like a thirteen year old again.
And my insecurities just get the best of me.
And I don't know how to do this anymore.

Walking down the street and I hardly know you. Its just like we were meant to be.

Things I never knew about friends I thought I knew

Randomly listening to: This is the last time by Keane


I just came back this afternoon from my second weekend home. It was great being back home,seeing my friends...Finding out things I never knew...


F2 has found herself a boyfriend. It is not any boyfriend either, it's her first. A big deal, anyone would think. The funny thing is how I found out about this: my mum told me. My mum. I found out that one of my best friends had started dating thanks to my mum. Just take a minute to process this.

So then, of course, after my initial shock, I decided to ask her what the hell my mum was talking about, and she replied with a pretty long message saying sorry and explaining everything. Explaining the whole 2 weeks and a half she had been dating this guy.

Wait? Did you say 2 weeks and a half?

Great.

Just fucking great.

So there I am, speachless. Thank God I asked, right?

And I am so scared shitless because I feel like she's so far away and she won't talk to me. And how are you supposed to have a friendship - and not just any friendship, but a special one- with someone who won't bother telling you this stuff.

How are we going to survive?

Are we going to survive?


Oh, please, let us survive.

Say that some things never die. Well I tried and I tried.

About quotes and feelings

Randomly listening to: Forever Lost by The Magic Numbers


Promise me.
That's all I want. Just promise that you'll never forget me. Tell me I changed you somehow. Let me know that I had an impact on your life. Promise me that you'll always remember me. Losing you was hard enough but I don't want to go on knowing I meant absolutely nothing to you.

Darling, what'cha gonna do now? Now that you noticed it all went wrong.

My first weekend home

Randomly listening to: Country Mile by Camera Obscura




When I felt the wheels of the plane hit the ground, I looked out the window and saw Madrid's airport. The girl beside me told her dad: "We are in Madrid" and those insignificant four words took me to the verge of tears. I said to myself, repeating the girl's words: "I'm in Madrid. I'm home."

It's remarkable how, after one entire month, when I stepped into my house, I felt as if I had never left. I settled between my parents on the sofa and watched TV with them as if I had been with them every day and there was nothing extraordinary about that day.

My first trip back home and I'm glad to see that, even though life goes on without me, when I get back, I can still catch up with it.

I wish you could be here with me. I would show you off like a trophy.

P.S. I've decided  from now on to use quotes from the songs I'm listening to at that moment which reflect best my feelings. How does that sound? 

Humble Intelligence Please

Randomly listening to: Dream on by Aerosmith


This Saturday I made a trip to London to see F2 and I met her very intelligent, very intellectual neighbour.

He is a complete asshole.

He was the typical person who thinks he is above everyone else in every way possible. The world revolves around him and he is always right.

His arrogance nauseated me.

All those big words, all those complicated concepts, all that confidence... But even I could find holes in his supposedly perfect ideas.

I, of course, didn't tell him any of this. I would say it is because I didn't want to make my friend uncomfortable, but really it's because I am a bit of a coward. If I was able though, I would tell him that you stop being better than the rest when you stop being humble.

PS. I love London :)

We're all broken enough to be humble.

Late Nights and Late Thoughts

Listening to: The world spins madly on by The Weepies


Oh, how I love this song...

I just came back from The Venue, our own on campus club! It was great fun, though my feet are really sore right now because I'm not that great on heels. It was my first time clubbing with my architecture people and it was definitely worth it. I think I found a good group of people to become friends with.

Before all the fun however, I found out that F1 and F2 aren't planning on going back to Madrid as we'd agreed for F3's birthday. I find that I am quite disappointed, even though I have no real, reasonable reason to be.

I'll explain a bit better: F1, F2, F3 and me where the Fantastic Four at school. We were best friends, we were sisters...We were everything for each other. But F1 is in Bristol now, F2 in London and F3 is still in Madrid...So yes, it is complicated.

I thought we would all try our hardest to make this work. It is, after all, like a long distance relationship: there has to be effort put by everyone. That is why we said we'd go back to Madrid for F3's 18th birthday. It just made sense. We would all be back together in our city for such a special occasion.

But now, they are saying they've spent all their money partying at uni and that really it won't be much time and why don't we just invite F3 to London the next weekend as a birthday present?

And it doesn't sound that unreasonable...Except, somehow, it does.

It would be childish of us to deny that our lives weren't changing. But for this night, none of us were going anywhere. That's the thing about really good friends and a really great Manhattan.

About G

Randomly listening to: They might follow you by Tiny Vipers


So, G has a problem. G has a disability. It has something to do with his nervous system making him unable to walk a lot, but he hasn't talked about it since that day in facebook, and that's the only thing he said.

G and I are becoming good friends. He's my neighbour and I spend quite a lot of time with him. We laugh, we talk, we watch Glee... But he still doesn't trust me enough to explain. Maybe it's not that he doesn't trust me though, maybe he's just proud. Or too shy. I don't know...

What I do know is that G is the first disabled friend I have, and I feel awful because many times I don't know how to deal with it. Like today, we went to AZDA ( I just learnt that it's owned by Wal-Mart) and I kind of carried the bags because I didn't know if he could handle it.

I don't want to be the typical person who makes a big deal out of these things and is just annoying. I just want to help him.

But it is very hard to help someone when you don't know if they even want your help.

Show me a girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and I'll show you a girl who can't put her pants on.